Author Topic: EXE.EXE  (Read 11880 times)

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on: 10:12:56 PM 04/01/13
I've always prided myself on being pretty internet-savvy. I'm the guy people come to with their computer problems, and when someone wants their website updated or even made from scratch, they always beg me for assistance.

Half the time I'm just uninstalling crappy toolbars they installed for a "Free iPad", or wiping they system clean of the viruses that rode in with pirated pornography.

There are three things I've never admitted publicly until this point... and I think now I'm ready to finally air the worst decisions I've ever made.

Mistake the first...

I had a close friend and co-worker who really seemed to "get" me. We shared the same interests in movies, music, and so on, and would regularly show each other things we had discovered.

This was a guy I would've trusted with almost anything. Maybe he wouldn't have given me a Kidney, but I knew he was good for a loan if I ever hit trouble... and there's a lot to be said for even that.

Then came the last day we ever spoke to each other.

He called me over to his place to - you guessed it - take a look at his computer. He'd gotten some nasty-ass virus that was slowing everything down and spawning all sorts of odd error messages.

He sounded absolutely terrified about losing his stuff. I'd never heard anyone some completely shaken by a technical problem before.

When I sat down at his keyboard and began working away, I was immediately greeted with one of those alerts.


That was it. This thing was in horrible shape, indeed.

I worked for at least an hour, first trying to see if I could save his files, then trying to see if I could even save the hardware. The entire time, this friend of mine was standing over my shoulder, watching my every move.

It was only because I found his hovering behavior odd that I started looking for a reason. Along with the "My Computer" and "Music" folders... the normal stuff on his desktop... there was a single icon down in the corner named "Haha".

"Haha". Weird.

As this man stood, staring, waiting, my curiosity grew more and more intense. Was he keeping an eye on me specifically because he was worried about what was in that folder?

I had to find out. Without him even realizing what I had done, I set the screen saver to "blank screen", and the timing to one minute. Then, I clacked at the keys, but only enough to make contact sounds... I issued no real commands.

Within the established timeframe, the screen went black.

"Oh, no!! What happened?" He grabbed my shoulders and let out a gasp.

"Whoooops!" I tried to sound legitimately concerned, "The virus fragged your mainframe, now the Java can't connect!"

I could barely keep from laughing.

"Damn!" He paced the room, "Damn, damn, damn!! Does that mean it's over?"

"Yup, I think everything's gone," I pointed to the door, "Do you have anything to drink? Coke or something? This is going to take longer than I thought."

No sooner had I made the demand than he was gone. When I heard his footsteps reach a safe distance, I quickly moved the cursor and dismissed the screen saver. Now the oddly named file folder was mine to browse. I double-clicked the icon, opened the folder, and started trying to understand what I was seeing.

callmebubbles-(1 of 4).mpg

My friend had very specific, very illegal tastes in pornography. I'll let your mind take you where it will, knowing you're probably already catching on.

I played one of the videos, basically thinking "It couldn't be!" ... but it was.

I was aghast. I felt like I was going to vomit in a mix of shock and outrage, and all I wanted to do was ask this guy what the Hell he was thinking.

Worst of all, now I was a part of it.

Overwhelming my sense of injustice and anger was a stark and terrifying dread of what might happen to me just for being ON this computer. As I heard my former friend's footsteps once again coming down the hallway, I took what was most likely a coward's way out.

I formatted the drive. Everything was gone.

There you have it... one of the three worst things I've ever done.

After the whole debacle,  when I was reinstalling Windows and trying to get out of there as quickly as I could, I tried to salvage the situation in some capacity by making up a story that would hopefully scare this guy straight.

"Turns out you had a Video Logger..." I explained, my face flush and my voice about to crack, "Basically someone was using it to remotely view every video you were watching."

"What?!" He sounded shocked, but kept it under control, "Why? Who would do that?"

"I don't know. Maybe just a hacker looking for a thrill... though I guess the Police use these sometimes, too."

Silence filled the room, and I hoped my lie was taking root in his sick mind.

"Listen, there were these... movies..." he broke the silence with the last words I wanted to hear at this point.

I raised my hand to silence him without turning away from the tiny "Loading" bar on the screen.

I took my install CD out of the machine, issued only the most basic farewell, and was quickly on my way home. I considered turning him in at this point... but now I'd passed the point of no return. I couldn't justify seeing those videos and then wiping the evidence!

It was a classic case of "what I SHOULD have done" second thoughts.

A few days passed, and refused to answer the friend's calls. I deleted his messages the second I heard the unmistakable sound of his voice. In trying to find out why I was snubbing him, he had made me feel like a stalking victim.

I tried to carry on as best I could... I threw myself into work and tried not to be haunted by the horrible and nonconsensual images that kept flickering through my brain like a freakish slideshow.

Nothing out of the ordinary occurred until I was re-installing that same operating system for another poor knucklehead with more Gigabytes than brains.

I inserted the CD, went to run it, and instead of seeing that tell-tale "Loading" screen, I simply saw a single white icon at the center of the screen's black abyss.

It was a small white circle with little black Xs for eyes and a little black mouth frozen in a tiny "O" shape.


Immediately, I knew that whatever virus I had previously dealt with had somehow corrupted my install disc. Now all that was left was a copy if its demented little mug, taunting me from the middle of nothing... showing off how clever its programmer had been...

I didn't click it. No way, not on a client's computer. Instead, I relayed that my disc was "scratched" and apologized for the wait while I procured another in the coming days. All in all the news went over well... he was just happy I would be able to save him from buying another computer altogether.

No, I didn't click it then.

I waited until I got home.

I booted up an old tower that had long fallen out of my favor and hooked up a spare monitor, mouse, and keyboard. Soon, I was striking the blocky, yellowed keys that had at one point been pristine white.

Even though Windows was already installed... Windows 95, to be exact... I loaded the install CD into the disc drive and waited.


There was the dopey little dead face again.

To be clear, this computer was garbage at this point. I had only intended to keep it around for occasions just such as this - events where I needed an expendable device. Still... I hesitated. My finger hovered over the Mouse button as the curser onscreen pointed patiently at the glowing white icon.

After a few false starts in which my digit only twitched, I threw caution to the wind and double-clicked.


This thing wasn't making the process easy!!

I pressed "Y".

A black and white pop-up alert sprung forth, completely ignoring the color scheme I had long ago set for my desktop. It carried with it a familiar phrase.


The tiny dead-face icon slowly grew a stick figure body like some sort of upside-down seedling. As soon as all the limbs were in place, it began to do a slight swaying dance to the left and right.

It was a "screen pet"... one of those obnoxious little programs that used to be all the rage. You'd download them, give a click, and a little "friend" would dance around your screen. There were tons of these back in the day... sheep, humanoid fruit, naked women, everything.

However, I couldn't understand why that guy had kept this stupid little toy in... THAT folder.

Another pop-up...

"Are you watching? Y/N"

Again, I answered in the affirmative... and again the thing returned to its simple little dance. To be honest, I was pretty unimpressed... and yet for some reason I decided to fetch some speakers and hook those up to the computer as well. Perhaps he was dancing to some sort of music that would bring some level of understanding my way.

I plugged the boxy little speakers in, sat back down in front of the screen, and turned them on.


A human shriek nearly jolted me out of my seat...





The sound of water. Thrashing. Screaming. Pleading, begging, screeching, crying... multiple anguished voices braided together like some demonic mockery of a techno beat.

I turned the speakers back off, horror gripping me like a cold, iron hand refusing to let go of my very heart.

Another pop-up...


My finger quickly and decidedly struck the "N" with enough force to illicit a distinct cracking sound within the keyboard.

The figure stopped dancing. Its mouth quickly turned to a frown, and its body retracted back up into its icon head.

I was relieved... the demented thing had put me way off-balance just by virtue of the horrific, high-pitched voices it was eerily dancing to. The sound of pain... of torture... seemed to be its favorite melody.

I closed the folder EXE.EXE was in and took the disc out once more. I would have to count it, and probably that computer, as a total loss.

It wasn't until I went to shut the thing down that I noticed something strange... something that hadn't existed until that moment. There was a small folder in the corner of my screen... named "Haha".

My jaw dropped. I knew it COULDN'T be what I thought it was...

Much quicker than previous, I drew the cursor to that folder and double-clicked.

There, inside that folder, were thumbnails that seemed somewhat familiar.


The folder was completely full of videos...

Videos of women being drowned...

And these faces... these people... I recognized them... I KNEW THEM ALL.

Running that program, giving in to temptation, another of the three worst things I've ever done in my entire life!

Without even turning off the machine, I raced to the phone and dialed. When I got no answer, I leapt into my car and raced off. I had to talk to my friend... the person I assumed LIKED these images... and I had to find out what the Hell was going on! I needed to know where he'd found this program!

By the time I arrived, it was too late.

EMTs and police were all over the building, and the only sign of my friend was an imprint and blood spatter on the sidewalk below his apartment.

"Hey! Officer!! What happened? Where is he? Is he alive?"

"You knew the guy in this apartment?"

"Yes... is he alive?"

"No, it's safe to say he died on impact... I'm sorry for your loss, but if you think you can manage it, there are a few questions we have about the circumstances surrounding his death..."

I could scarcely believe what I was seeing... what I was hearing...

"W-What? What could I possibly tell you?"

"Well, it's just that... and please let me know if you don't want to talk right now... it's just that we found a note and we're having trouble making sense of it. You might have some insight, maybe..."

I swallowed hard. My friend's last words... his last message to me, ever...

"It was something like... 'To whoever was watching, please believe I'm innocent'... Got any idea what that's about?"

There WAS nobody watching...

Lying to him... making him think someone, somewhere would find out he was the common factor between all those drowned girls...

The final worst thing I ever did.

« Last Edit: 03:59:07 AM 07/01/13 by chwolf »
If I should live until I wake, I pray the web my death to fake.


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on: 10:30:06 PM 04/01/13
(April Fool's)
If I should live until I wake, I pray the web my death to fake.


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on: 01:54:20 AM 04/28/14
... I admit I don't get it. It's not up to your usual standards, has a few glaring problems (first letting them "fill in" what the pornography was, then outright saying it later, when it would have made more sense to say it in the first place or leave it vague throughout), and is kinda cliche... but it doesn't seem like there's a "joke" per se. It seems like a flawed-but-decent-ish pasta.


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on: 02:02:51 PM 09/07/15
but it doesn't seem like there's a "joke" per se. It seems like a flawed-but-decent-ish pasta.

Does an April's Fool prank have to be a joke? I think this pasta was good (my opinion) and the fact you say it's decent-ish, makes it some sort of a joke. That's how I take it. This whole pasta was a joke. Or something like that


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on: 08:20:56 PM 09/07/15
The title is exe.exe after all. XD
If I should live until I wake, I pray the web my death to fake.