Author Topic: Big Deal  (Read 8741 times)

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Slimebeast

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on: 08:35:38 PM 08/31/14
"My, but you've done it all, haven't you?"

The man in the black suit sat across from me, arms folded. A look of satisfaction spread across his boil-ridden face.

"Do I know you?" I asked, in no mood for small talk.

"You know of me." he replied.

Now, I was no stranger to weird characters, and under any other circumstances I would've been a very good host. However, this was a solitary cell in a maximum security prison, and I was moments away from being put to death.

"Murder... adultery... stealing.." the man counted on his fingers, yellow talons glowing in the dim light. He kept going until he reached ten.

"The Devil, right?" I asked as if he were someone's brother-in-law I'd heard funny stories about.

"Correct! You were always sharp as a tack."

"So, what, you came to threaten me? I'm about to burn in a lake of fire for eternity or whatever?" I leaned forward and thrusted a meaty finger in his grinning face, "Buddy I've had wet dreams more disturbing than you."

He laughed. It was the kind of laugh that gets you stabbed around here. People value their peace and quiet.

"I came to you because of a very special deal, my friend!" the Devil smirked.

"I'm not making any kind of deal with you," I spat at his feet, "I made good with the man upstairs, confessed my sins, found remorse, and I'll take my chances."

"I'm not offering you a deal," he shook his head, "No, the deal has already been agreed upon. You're the prize, not the contestant."

The Devil held his hand to the side of his oozing mouth as if his next words were a secret between him and I.

"You know that 'God' fellow? Serious gambling problem. First Job, now this."

He explained further. I had been chosen at birth, sort of like a guinea pig. God and Satan bet that each could turn my heart toward them. The Devil stuck his nose into my life... killed my Dad... made Mom drink... he even steered that asshole friend my way with all of his surplus Meth.

God did nothing, but... well, whatever he does. Sit there and be God, I guess.

"So you see, I clearly won." The Devil gestured to my surroundings, "As per our agreement, I am forever freed from the underworld, never to return! No more rotting away amidst the unwashed sinners, no more deafening screams of the damned!"

"No Devil," I laughed, "That's gonna be interesting."

"Well, actually..." he faked concern, drawing his worm-lips down into a pout, "Thing is, you're my replacement. I hope you enjoy that sort of thing."

I leaned back and stared at the ceiling. That was quite a lot to take in.

"It's not all bad, though." he smiled again immediately, "You know the routine. Your eternal soul for one desire fulfilled. This of course excludes matters of life and death, so don't expect to walk out of this building."

I sighed.

"Perhaps a woman? A man? Forgive me for assuming, either one is fine. Your last meal could be anything. Dragon? Dodo? Human flesh? Maybe you'd like to explode in a nuclear blast when the executioner flips the switch. Imagine! The guards, the viewing gallery, all wiped out in one fireball of white hot vengeance. If you're more of a simple man, I could bring back your childhood teddy. You can hold him for comfort while you fry."

The Devil's motor mouth kept running, when all I wanted was to get back my peace and quiet.

Finally, I'd had enough.

"Here's my request..."

Seething, I drew in a breath, looked the Devil in the eye, and growled my answer.

"Go to Hell."

My ears bled by the time he was done screaming, and I can't say for sure how exactly he left my cell. I had to shield my eyes when the rip opened up in my wall. The flames were blinding.

I don't know...

Maybe I'm good with the boss upstairs. Maybe I'm not.

Time to find out.
« Last Edit: 02:14:52 AM 09/01/14 by Slimebeast »
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Mary

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on: 03:21:03 AM 09/01/14
Love the twist

Though I dunno about Satan's metrics for a serious gambling problem though. Two gambles in 4000~years?
» You throw a tantrum, but all you seem to accomplish is slight disarray.



Slimebeast

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on: 01:15:49 PM 09/01/14
Well, in relation to eternity...? :D
If I should live until I wake, I pray the web my death to fake.



Mary

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on: 02:32:04 AM 09/02/14
well satan did say "first Job, now this" implying twice in all of eternity.
on average that's like [undefined] per infinity. :takataka:
» You throw a tantrum, but all you seem to accomplish is slight disarray.



Guardiane

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on: 11:50:03 AM 09/02/14
Couldn't imagine Satan making such a mistake but still, I liked the twist.  ;D

Still...this guy is in a world of hurt if he ends up going to hell...but then again, he'd be in a world of hurt anyway...



Amb1D4rk0

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on: 03:08:00 AM 10/25/14
[/color] This was pretty awesome. Sort of reminded me of this other one I've read where the guy was made a demon, then made all the video game heroes/villains real, and punished all who stood against him. :o  :bleed: but this plot twist is the best