Class Creeps
  … 11:29:10 PM 03/17/13 by Slimebeast
Opening explanation: A few friends and I used to "get together" and watch streaming video over the web. This was back when it was a novel concept, and though we were guilty of group-viewing at least two pirated films before their release date, the majority of our "viewing parties" were mostly innocent. We primarily focused on cult classics, old favorites, and the occasional oddball "bargain bin" find.

The last time we held a viewing party, the subject of our little gathering was "Class Creeps", an animated series that supposedly aired in the early 1990s. One member of our group, Phil, discovered a few copies of the first season in a Walmart DVD bin, and sat on it for little over a month so we could all view it together.

Most of our exchanges were saved for a group blog. It was my turn to save the chat log, and another group member, Jessie, had the honor of describing onscreen events.

Names have been changed from screen monikers to first names for an easier read. You'll see me as Felix.

This was our final viewing. You will understand why.


I log into the chat area and see six seperate video "screens". Phil, Jessie, Fiona, Gus, Zach, and an empty chair belonging to Rob.

Phil: Ready to start when you are.
Jessie: and here's felix
Jessie: now we only need rob
Jessie: ROB!!!
Zach: ROB
Fiona: robbieee
Jessie: ROB
(This continues for twelve more lines.)
Fiona: Rob I've got them out on cam!
(Rob slides into view and sits, he is holding a KFC bucket.)
Rob: What?
Rob: Oh, ha. No, I was heating up some chicken.
Zach: Pass some over here.
Rob: Fuck you it's mine.
Rob: At least I got chicken!
Fiona: ?!?
Phil: So, again, I'm ready when you guys are.
Felix: Ready.
Gus: Sorry, ready.

I put Phil on full-screen, with chat overlayed, so I can enjoy the show without watching everyone else watching, too. Phil studies the screen, his eyes dart back and forth, and he clicks the mouse a few times.

Phil: Class Creeps - Season 1, Episode 1 - "Pilot"
Phil: Enjoy!

I sit there for a few moments with Phil still on the screen.

Jessie: Gah, okay, I am so totally not going to type fast enough to catch this. Sunrise over a little house I guess... neighborhood is whitebread shit... suburbs...
Jessie: Kid's playing with his dog, frisbee... does all this matter?
Phil: It's fine.
Zach: keep going just make sure the log reflects what we're talking about
Felix: I still see Phil.
Fiona: go full-screen
Jessie: OHHHH shit, dog runs out in the street after frisbee and gets obliterated by a school bus...
Gus: Shit!
Fiona: D:
Rob: dogs
Felix: Yeah, no, I did put it full screen. I don't see the cartoon.
Phil: Fuck, one sec.
Phil: Better?
Felix: No I still see you. You just touched your nose.
Jessie: That is one dead fucking dog.
Phil: Huh.
Jessie: There's a couple of kids getting on a bus, bickering with each other... sports...
Jessie: Girl is field hockey player... Boy likes lacrass or however you spell it.
Fiona: Lecrosse.
Fiona: no wait
Felix: ***Not seeing any of this!***
Gus: Should we stop, or what?
Rob: Fuck him, keep going.
Rob: :)
Felix: No, that's fine. Keep going, if it doesn't come on I'll do something else and maybe you can burn a copy to mail me.
Phil: If you want.

I watch Phil for another second before switching back to view everyone else. Each one is fixed on their own screen, watching intently. Everyone has their lights out, their faces lit only by the flickering light of the cartoon. I watch Rob eat a chicken leg with the bucket in his lap. It's pretty greasy.

I put Phil on full-screen again out of disgust.

Felix: Rob's killing that bird.
Jessie: Okay, the twins are called Dan and Ana... next stop the bus picks up a pretty blonde girl...
Zach: Ha. "Pretty".
Jessie: She's clearly intended to be attractive.
Jessie: The pretty girl's name is Claire... Dan calls her air-head claire when she passes by...
Jessie: Dan and Ana aren't sitting together since they hate each other... Ana in bus seat behind Dan...
Jessie: Next stop for the bus is in a bad neighborhood w/railroad tracks.
Gus: Wrong side of the tracks. Ziiiing!
Rob: The street sign says "Wrongside Way".
Gus: oh yeah
Jessie: Skinny kid gets on the bus... Bernie. Hey, they're wearing nametags, didn't notice that.
Jessie: Bernie sits at back of the bus next to a tough girl in black...
Fiona: Token 90s goth girl!!!
Rob: ^ Token chatroom slut
Fiona: >:o(
Jessie: token goth's name is Simone... she doesn't like Bernie sitting next to her, punches him in arm...
Jessie: Teacher's at the front of the bus with another kid, Pete... nerdly type dude in glasses and shit...
Phil: Some people here wear glasses.
Jessie: oop
Jessie: teacher's talking to the kids about being on their best behavior for the field trip...
Gus: Ah, now it makes sense.
Jessie: Going to see a scientist who lives outside town... advances in biological research... whatever...
Rob: You suck.
Rob: Important Note: Scientist is named Dr. Satanstein.
Jessie: I was gonna say.
Phil: They're pulling up to a weird science lab. Here's the theme song.
Phil: If you need me to run it again, just give a shout.
Jessie: Here goes... bored kids sitting in classroom...
Fiona: Strong language. More like Southpark than Rugrats, i guess?
Jessie: Outside class window, a graveyard nextdoor has an earthquake?
Gus: What a terrible place for a cemetery...
Jessie: A group of weird freak monsters... coming through hall, knocking shit down... fly into classroom... teacher and kids shocked...
Jessie: (Teacher) OH GOD, NO!
Fiona: oh jeeze what are these things
Zach: The kids from before, same body types, I think, mangled and whatnot
Jessie: Swirling around the destroyed room... all the monster-kids(?) are sitting in the back of the room... everyone else terrified, frozen...
Jessie: I think that was right
Rob: Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks!!!
Felix: BRB, I'll leave this open for the log.

At this point, I minimized the video chat window and went about other business. It was disappointing to be cut out of the fun, but stuff like that happens all the time. Especially in the days when we could only dream of current connection speeds and technology.

I looked up "Class Creeps" on IMDB, then Wikipedia, thinking I could at least read a synopsis of the first episode and be on the same page with everyone else. As you may have realized if you went to check in the series, it apparently wasn't notable enough for either site to have info on it.

Again, that's nothing new. As someone once said, Wikipedia would ask you to provide a citation for how many fingers are on a human hand.

I found exactly one image related to the show amid a sea of unrelated Google results... or maybe I was still using Metacrawler at that point... Either way, the one picture was a hand-drawn "fan art" image of the characters in stick-figure form. When I checked out the website hosting it, the page was just that same image with an e-mail address and a short blurb below.

"If anyone can tell me what cartoon looks like this, please contact me. I think it's either Creepy Class, Class Creeps, or Class Freaks."

I dropped an e-mail to them.

"Hi, I saw your page about the mystery cartoon. It is indeed 'Class Creeps', and I think you might be able to find copies at Walmart. Good luck!"

I figured that I might get back in on the conversation with the others by telling them about the searches and the letter. I opened the video feed back up, and there was Phil on my screen once more.

Felix: Still can't see it, but I checked around and it's even too obscure for IMDB.
Gus: Did you go away?
Gus: You missed the crux of the whole thing.
Felix: ... I can't see it.
Gus: I know, but I mean the description.
Zach: The field trip bus crashed on the way to the lab. Dan and Ana each got scissored in half down the middle.
Zach: Claire got a massive metal rod through her forehead, all the way through.
Zach: Bernie and whatever the goth girl's name is caught fire at the back of the bus and just screamed and screamed and screamed...
Zach: Peter, the geek at the front, lost all his limbs. Just a torso with little geek glasses.
Phil: ...
Zach: Your glasses are hipster glasses.
Phil: Eat shit.
Felix: That...
Felix: Sounds awful.
Gus: Dr. Satanstein came out of the lab when he heard the explosion.
Gus: The driver and the teacher are fucking dead, heads splattered on the road and shit.
Gus: So he took the little cartoon bodies inside and splatted them down on a table. He starts working on them, mad scientist style, etc.
Gus: Claire, the one Jessie thinks is pretty, has a huge hole in the center of her forehead you can look through. She's "stupider than ever" as someone put it.
Jessie: Oh my God, she's blonde, wearing pink, the animators meant for her to be attractive!!
Zach: What's up with that blobby mark popping up in the corner?
Phil: DVD flaw I suppose.
Gus: Bernie is just on fire ALL THE TIME. He's this skinny little blackened corpse with these big sad eyes and a frog-mouth.
Gus: Simone, the goth one, is like Bernie but inside a cloud of smoke, she can't leave Bernie for too long or she'll disappear. Which she hates.
Gus: Peter has new limbs cloned from different animals. Bat wing arm, Lobster arm, Octopus leg, Scorpion-Tail leg. He can fly with the one wing, mostly in circles, so I guess they're functional.
Gus: The sickest part though is Dan and Ana. They got cut in half, so the Doctor staples one half from each right down the middle.
Gus: Now the twins are one character, named.... wait for it...
Gus: Dana!
Gus: ... son of a bitch.
Jessie: Dana is on the field, trying to play field hockey and lecroisse at the same time... sticks in each hand... not working out...
Phil: It's okay. Just dark is all.
Phil: Fiona?
Rob: Bitches can't handle my cartoonz.
Jessie: The ball just went through Claire's head... she's talking like a sports commentator now... ha wtf...
Zach: Ahhh, anything you put in her head, she suddenly knows about?
Zach: Hahahahahahaa
Felix: Well, fuck. That sounds interesting and horrible.
Jessie: Bernie is trying to make friends with some cool kids by lighting their cigarettes... lit them instead... flash-fried kids... Simone says they're not "cool" anymore...
Phil: What?
Felix: Join the club.
Jessie: Montage... Peter is trying to help the Principal reign in the other class creeps... but keeps failing in terrible ways...
Jessie: Leg snare ends up hanging an innocent kid by the neck... Peter keeps crying about everyone he's accidentally killing...
Zach: The title's like "Class Clown", but for "Creeps". One of the bullies coined it early on.
Felix: Ah.
Zach: Are you kidding?
Phil: Why?
Jessie: Oh shit, one of Peter's mistaken "victims" got pissed and tried to beat him up... Peter accidentally scissored the bully's head off with his claw... aaaannnd now he's crying again...
Phil: We've all seen much worse.
Zach: Cannibal Holocaust, though I think Fiona bowed out of that one too.
Zach: In fact, I think Rob was
Felix: ...
Felix: Rob was...?
Felix: Eh?
Jessie: Simone and Bernie sent to Principal's office for "smoking" in the bathroom... and for Bernie being in the girl's bathroom... not sure how Simone would even GO, by the way...
Phil: Should I shut this off?
Phil: Or are you guys kidding about not liking it?
Jessie: The others rolled up a spy comic and stuck it in Claire's head-hole so she knows how to spy on what the Principal is doing with the other two...
Jessie: Yeah this is going to get Rule34'd HARD.
Felix: Heh.
Phil: Ha ha
Phil: Pete is on their side now, I guess he came around.
Phil: Realized he's a douche or something.
Phil: This is your job, Jessie, you're missing a ton of shit.
Phil: Dr. Satanstein returns, doctor's note for the kids' "conditions".
Phil: Jessie
Phil: What the fuck? Why am I streaming this if you're all going to be dicks? I don't need to waste time on this shit.
Phil: Fuck, I only bought this piece of shit for us to watch.
Felix: It's gone way past funny.
Felix: Not that this was funny to begin with.
Felix: guys...
Felix: Shit, seriously... this is rude out the fucking ass...

There was no answer from the others. I watched Phil onscreen as he stared forward, unblinking, his expression blank. He removed his glasses casually.

Slowly, clumsily, he reached for something on his computer desk. He lifted a pair of sharpened pencils, one in each hand...

...and jammed them right into the pupils of his eyes.

I screamed out loud and nearly fell backward in my chair. Phil's head lolled to the side as blood and milky ooze spilled from his eye sockets in thick blobs. His fingers reached for the keyboard once again.


He fell forward, striking the pencil ends on the surface in front of him.

Quickly, I switched to view all of the others. Each of them... Fiona, Rob, Gus... they all had various sharp impliments driven into their eyesockets. Fiona, known for her "projects", had employed an opened pair of craft scissors, one blade in each eye.

They were motionless... slumped forward, back, or to one side.

They literally could no longer "watch this".
Commenting on this post is as simple as joining the message board!
· Re: Class Creeps
  … 09:59:04 PM 04/28/13 by goolygoo
I'm of a couple minds on this one. One the one hand this is one of the most unsettling stories you have so far written. Just the idea of shooting the shit and joking around with your friends over a movie or show in the chatroom while seemingly innocuous words you don't pay much attention to at first later turn out to be the result of something horrible and tragic going on, and some hitch in your computer was the only thing that spared you, it really got to me. Which is why it was disappointing to see it end on such a shaggy dog note. What did the narrator do after all this? It's not like a third-person fiction where things can reasonably be left open-ended, as a first-hand account from a character presumably still alive one would REALLY like to know the consequences and aftermath of something as freakish and traumatizing as this. Certainly he didn't just close off the chat windows, wrote this account and then went on like nothing happened? I dunno, I still liked the story but could have had a much better conclusion, just my 2 cents.  :)
· Re: Class Creeps
  … 10:19:20 PM 04/28/13 by Slimebeast
He started writing Class Creeps slash fiction!


Not really.

· Re: Class Creeps
  … 09:28:35 AM 04/29/13 by goolygoo
One that makes you jam pointy objects in your crotch area? Wait, that's what ALL slash fiction makes me want to do...
· Re: Class Creeps
  … 02:04:52 PM 04/29/13 by Slimebeast
I'm scared.
· Re: Class Creeps
  … 04:13:41 PM 05/22/13 by goolygoo

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