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[[>]][[module Rate]][[/>]]**Item #:** SCP-XXXX**Object Class:** Safe**Special Containment Procedures:** Any access to SCP-XXXX must be approved by staff with level 2 security clearance or higher. Any and all appearances by costumed beings related to music played by SCP-XXXX must be recorded, along with the version of music played, use of any controls on the device, and the actions of any resulting costumed beings. During storage, SCP-XXXX is to be kept with no cassette tape or battery inside.**Description:** SCP-XXXX appears to be a hand-held cassette tape player in the shape of a bat icon, and is presumed to be one of many licensed products related to a 1960s television series. SCP-XXXX was recovered in Wilmington, North Carolina. SCP-XXXX was first brought to the Foundation's attention after a series of local news reports decried a "costumed maniac" perpetrating random acts of violence against citizens. SCP-XXXX was found in a comic book store, where it had been used to repeatedly play a cassette tape containing the theme music of said television series. The owner of the store could not recall having specifically purchased the item, saying it simply arrived in a shipment of memorabilia purchased from [REDACTED]. The cassette tape found in SCP-XXXX belonged to the store owner, but was not returned during the Foundation's acquisition.SCP-XXXX appears to be an average outmoded cassette tape player. A series of four playback buttons are featured on the device, including //Play, Pause, Stop, Record, Fast Forward, and Rewind//. A volume knob resides at the end of the row and is marked with numbers one through ten.When the theme song is played on this device, a costumed entity appears from a random location and begins sprinting through nearby areas. The entity will physically strike passersby in time with horn blasts on the tape. If no passerby is available at the time of a horn blast, the entity will strike an inanimate object. The entity appears identical to the 60s television hero in both dress and body type. No other tape played on SCP-XXXX has yet produced any known anomalous result. The playback buttons and volume knob all seem to affect the behavior of this costumed entity. Dr. ######## unofficially dubbed this entity "Batam", a combination of the character name and that of the actor who portrayed him. Though this term is acceptable in casual conversation between Researchers, it is not to be used on official logs and records. The authentic actor who portrayed this character has since been interviewed and is under surveillance though he appears to have no link to the device.SCP-XXXX is not capable of operating without one standard 9-volt battery. For full effect, it is suggested that SCP-XXXX be operated in areas with ample room for the entity to appear and mobilize. An artificial ¡°main street¡± with observation loft has been constructed within the SCP facility strictly for the purpose of testing. Using SCP-XXXX in enclosed spaces or at ground-level is inadvisable.----**Log of playback styles and recorded effects:**//A new 9-volt battery and a standard theme music cassette tape were placed into the device before each test, unless otherwise noted.//__**Test A - Date**__> **Subject:** SCP-XXXX> **Procedure:** Normal playback within large controlled room.> **Results:** Costumed entity entered room through previously locked supply closet door, sprinted to center of the area, and stood motionless. Researchers could not invoke any sort of response from the entity. The entity¡¯s cape appeared to be organic and contained visible blood vessels. Attempts to remove its mask resulted in profuse bleeding from the entity¡¯s face. Blood collected and sent for testing showed trace amounts of ####### #####. As the music neared its end, entity dropped into a fetal position and began to rapidly decay. Costume was ######### and ###### by Researchers.> **Analysis:** Playback within a confined space creates a being with no perceptible movements or motivations. Further testing within artificial environment suggested.__**Test B - Date**__> **Subject:** SCP-XXXX> **Procedure:** Normal playback within artificial "Main Street" setting.> **Results:** Costumed entity appeared from storefront doorway and sprinted along sidewalk. Entity struck several D-class pedestrians along with a street light. As the music neared its end, entity rounded a corner and could not be located thereafter.> **Analysis:** Normal playback in an open setting seems to cause the materialization of an agitated being. The natural end of playback seems to cause dematerialization.__**Test C - Date**__> **Subject:** SCP-XXXX> **Procedure:** Normal playback with second recording of identical theme music.> **Results:** Costumed entity appeared from rear of parked delivery van, rolled several times, then began sprinting along the sidewalk. Entity struck several D-class pedestrians and drop-kicked a life-like artificial infant. As the music neared its end, entity entered a doorway and could not be located thereafter.> **Analysis:** With the exception of environmental variables, playback of theme music appears to cause identical phenomena regardless of which copy of tape is used.__**Test D - Date**__> **Subject:** SCP-XXXX> **Procedure:** Normal playback from one minute into theme music.> **Results:** Theme music began exactly one minute in. Costumed entity dropped from an unseen location, moved as if disoriented, then stepped into street and was struck by an automated city bus. Researchers were quick to the scene of the impact, but found only a costume filled with quickly decaying organic material. Costume ### #### ###########.> **Analysis:** Entity apparently cannot function properly without full playback.__**Test E - Date**__> **Subject:** SCP-XXXX> **Procedure:** Playback with fast forward button held down.> **Results:** Theme music played at an increased speed. Costumed entity appeared to be flung through a storefront window and moved at an abnormally high rate of speed. Within moments, entity burst into flames and collapsed, presumably due to friction. Remainder of theme music played without further incident.> **Analysis:** Rate of playback seems inexplicably linked to physical manifestation of being.__**Test F - Date**__> **Subject:** SCP-XXXX> **Procedure:** Playback with rewind button held down.> **Results:** Theme music played backward and in slow motion. At this point, costumed entity appeared within the observation loft alongside Researchers. Entity ceaselessly regurgitated upon itself and fatally defenestrated Dr. ########. Upon release of the rewind button, entity leapt from the broken window and could not be observed below.> **Analysis:** ######## ####### ############# #######. ######## Dr. ####### ##### ########. All researchers are forbidden from using the rewind feature until further notice.__**Test G - Date**__> **Subject:** SCP-XXXX> **Procedure:** Normal playback.> **Results:** Costumed entity appeared from third story window and rappelled to sidewalk, followed by second costumed entity similar in dress and body type to secondary hero on the television series. The two beings sprinted along the sidewalk. While the original entity struck several D-class, the second entity merely lashed out at empty space in time with the "main" being. As the music neared its end, both entities sprinted through a doorway and could not be located thereafter.> **Analysis:** This second entity appeared either randomly, or after a certain number of playback instances, which is yet to be determined. It is connected to the first being to the point it does not act on its own and merely mimics the movements of its predecessor.__**Test H - Date**__> **Subject:** SCP-XXXX> **Procedure:** Normal playback of cassette tape featuring Dr. Langs humming the theme music.> **Results:** Costumed entity slowly emerged from beneath manhole cover. Physical form of entity was observed to be bloated and covered with tumors. Costume appeared torn and soiled. Organic liquid with the appearance of bile leeched from an open wound on the entity's chest, inside which there appeared to be a paralyzed third arm. Movement was shambolic, and after three meters the entity seemed to collapse under its own weight and ceased all life functions. Remains were [REDACTED] and several D-class reported feeling [REDACTED].> **Analysis:** Costumed entity appears when theme song is played regardless of version. However, official version is hereby strongly recommended.__**Test I - Date**__> **Subject:** SCP-XXXX> **Procedure:** Normal playback with manipulation of volume knob.> **Results:** Costumed entity emerged from first floor window and sprinted along the sidewalk. A Researcher began to lower playback volume. As sound became inaudible, the entity ceased all activity and looked upward. After a few moments of surveying the area, its gaze fixed directly on the observation loft. Volume was returned to normal and the entity returned to an active state. As the music neared its end, the entity rounded a corner and could not be located thereafter.> **Analysis:**__**Test J - Date**__> **Subject:** SCP-XXXX> **Procedure:** Normal playback with use of stop button.> **Results:** Costumed entity emerged from a phone booth and sprinted along the sidewalk. A Researcher pressed the stop button on SCP-XXXX, at which point the entity suddenly burst, scattering what appeared to be human remains in an eight meter radius. Remains instantly began to decay and were deemed too widespread for proper analysis within this window of viability.> **Analysis:** Sudden ceasing of the theme music appears to create a catastrophic disbanding of the being's physical form. This may be a more volatile version of the entity¡¯s natural method of disappearance.__**Test K - Date**__> **Subject:** SCP-XXXX> **Procedure:** Normal playback with use of pause button.> **Results:** Costumed entity appeared from storefront doorway and sprinted along the sidewalk. A Researcher pressed the pause button on SCP-XXXX, at which point the entity froze in mid-step. The entity was collected by Researchers and ###### in ###### ########. Using a pencil to manually rewind the cassette before releasing the pause button allowed Researchers to collect an additional seven identical entities. This was deemed to be an adequate number.> **Analysis:** Each playback appears to spawn a new instance of this being, thus each disappearance most likely permanently destroys each instance. Researchers are required to refrain from playing the remainder of the theme on SCP-XXXX until the collected subjects have been thoroughly studied.
Item #: SCP-XXXXObject Class: EuclidSpecial Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be stored in a sound-proofed room. All subjects who wear SCP-XXXX for any duration of time are to be restrained or terminated. One (1) restrained D-Class personnel must occupy SCP-XXXX at all times.Description: SCP-XXX is an oversized false head created to resemble that of a rabbit. When SCP-XXXX is not being worn by a living subject, it should be considered active. While active, SCP-XXXX emits a sound similar to the distress call of a living rabbit. The sound emitted by SCP-XXXX continually rises in volume, pitch, and percieved urgency. Within one week, this sound can be heard within a ## meter radius regardless of sound dampering measures. Subjects who have worn SCP-XXXX experience increased effects and may exhibit homicidal and/or suicidal tendancies if SCP-XXXX is not occupied.Experiment LogSubject: One (1) D-class personnelExperiment: Subject told to wear SCP-XXXX for one (1) minute.Results: SCP-XXXX remains silent while worn. When removed, SCP-XXXX begins emitting a harsh sound that gradually rises in volume and pitch. Sound can be perceived by all personnel within a widening radius.Subject: One (1) D-class personnelExperiment: Same subject told to wear SCP-XXXX for twenty four (24) hours.Results: SCP-XXXX remains silent while worn. Subject reports no anomalous effects. When removed, SCP-XXXX begins emitting a harsh sound that gradually rises in volume and pitch. Sound can be perceived by all personnel within a widening radius.Subject: One (1) D-class personnelExperiment: Same subject told to remain seated with SCP-XXXX nearby for one (1) hour.Results: Subject refuses orders and wears SCP-XXXX after ten minutes despite ##### ## #####. Subject attacks security personnel upon removal from testing and is terminated.Subject: One (1) D-class personnelExperiment: Subject told to wear SCP-XXXX for one (1) minute.Results: SCP-XXXX remains silent while worn. When removed, SCP-XXXX begins emitting a harsh sound that gradually rises in volume and pitch. Sound can be perceived by all personnel within a widening radius.Subject: One (1) D-class personnelExperiment: Same subject told to remain seated for one (1) hour with SCP-XXXX located in a seperate room.Results: Subject complains of headache due to sound described as "ear-splitting". This description does not align with recorded noise levels. Sound can be perceived by all personnel within a widening radius. Subject placed under permanent restraint for further testing.Subject: One (1) plastic mannequinExperiment: SCP-XXXX is placed over the head of the mannequin.Results: No change in the active state of SCP-XXXX nor its effects.Subject: One (1) D-class personnel (Deceased)Experiment: SCP-XXXX is placed over the head of the cadaver.Results: No change in the active state of SCP-XXXX nor its effects.Subject: Two (2) D-class personnelExperiment: Subjects told to each wear SCP-XXXX for one (1) minute.Results: SCP-XXXX remains silent while worn by each subject. When removed, SCP-XXXX begins emitting a harsh sound that gratually rises in volume and pitch. Sound can be perceived by all personnel within a widening radius.Subject: Two (2) D-class personnelExperiment: Same subjects observed for twenty four (24) hours with SCP-XXXX located in a seperate room.Results: Within one (1) hour, both subjects report headache due to perceived screaming. At the five (5) hour mark, subjects fatally attempt to remove each other's #####.Note: Testing has been postponed. No one can be expected to get any work done with that squeal in their head. -Dr. #########
01.) Kitchen Sink - This is a metal sink with faucet, knobs, and spray spigot on self-retracting hose. Since retrieval, sink is kept on a stadard table, unconnected to pipes of any kind. Both hot and cold water will run when the appropriate knob is operated. Looking into the sink drain gives the appearance of darkness as if looking into a standard connected pipe. Attempts at dropping or lowering non-living objects into the drain will cause the garbage disposal to activate, destroying said item. This precludes the use of cameras. Subects who are told to reach into the drain are uninjured but report feeling something like "a long, thick tongue" and "swallowing motion". Subject's hand and arm can reach into drain if slender enough, and arm will not appear beneath table. If too much material is passed into the drain the sink will back up, overflowing with sewage that includes bits of past objects put into oriface. The spray nozzle produces a digestive cocktail not unlike what flies regurgitate onto their meals. (Based on SCP having "everything but the kitchen sink.)02.) Pinned Butterfly - This is a Monarch Butterfly preserved in a wooden shadow box and held in place with a metal pin through its thorax. The butterfly remains motionless, unless shadow box is opened at which point it begins to move its legs and wings as if trying to escape the pin lodged in its body. When Butterfly is unpinned, it will flex its wings a few times before fluttering out of the box. It will then land on a nearby human subject. It will ignore non-human subjects and circle endlessly if none are available. When the butterfly makes skin contact with a human being, the subject reports blissful feelings of tranquility and "oneness" with the world. The butterfly will randomly leave the subject, at which point subject will rapidly decay and dehydrate, leaving behind clothes, possessions, and any man-made object surgically placed in their body. Dust equal to non-liquid make-up of the human body also remains.03.) Flip-Book - This is a small flip-book with "FLIP-OUT FRANK" emblazoned on the cover in red, scratchy lettering. When flipping the book back-to-front, as is standard, animated scenes of a round little man in a business suit will appear. The scenerio changes between uses, but all center on this small man, Frank, suffering some sort of unleasant event. This includes scenes such as a broken-down car, losing a wallet, and suffering a blow to the head from a falling flower pot. After each event, "Frank" will thrash on the ground. Flipping the book backward appears to reveal a seperate animation to the user, which others in the area cannot percieve. After the animation has concluded, the user will exclaim "Poor Frank!" and immediately collapse to floor, thrashing wildly before slipping into a comatose state.04.) "Hugs Not Drugs" T-shirt - This is a black T-Shirt with "HUGS not DRUGS" on the front in white lettering. While the wearer of this object experiences no unusual effect, anyone the wearer embraces will slowly feel as if they are on powerful narcotics. The duration of the embrace amplifies the effect to the point of possible death. Those embraced by the wearer will refuse to let go and, if removed by force, will attempt to reconnect with the wearer by any means necessary.05.) A Personalized Advertisement - This item appears to be a vintage advertisement torn from an old magazine. It features a beautiful woman whose style of dress and overall look fit with an era decades past. This woman holds an object in her hands and looks directly toward the reader, though she is never percieved to actually move. This object will change depending on the viewer, but it will only change during any period between viewings when it is not being observed. The object is described using outdated verbage, even if it is a current item. ex: "A whizz-bang scientific marvel! The dazzling dodad that with a hundred and one uses! This year, I'm buying an iPad!" The advertisement does not seem to depict what the viewer most desires, and instead shows anything they've recently considered purchasing.06.) The Doodle - The Doodle is a small person crudely drawn on a scrap of lined notebook paper. Above the Doodle's head is an empty word balloon. Subjects may ask a question and then fold the paper along three creases present when the item was first collected. When the paper is unfolded, the word balloon will now be marked with child-like writing that conforms to the correct answer. If the answer is too long for the size of the balloon, it will simply end at the border. If a question with no answer or a particularly difficult question is asked, the word balloon is replaced with a thought bubble containing three question marks upon unfolding. Subjects asking about when they will die find the word "Bye-Bye!" in the word balloon and will suddenly experience a fatal health issue.07.) Evolving Political Signs - A number of these objects exist, and must be kept segregated based on the message displayed. They are normal-looking standing political signs as one would see placed in a front yard. They are basically a wire frame with printed message area, meant to be positioned roadside and driven into soil. Signs self-replicate when not observed, and will evolve based on environmental stimulii. For example, a sign may read: "RE-ELECT MCGUGGEN", and as its cloned spawn move gradually closer to a pothole in the road, each instance in order may read "BEAUTIFY OUR CITY", "FIX OUR STREETS", "LOOK AT THIS FUCKING POTHOLE". If the replicated offspring of two signs with divergent messages come face to face during their line of progression, a single oversized billboard of about ten feet in hight and supported on wood beams will appear. Each side of this billboard will carry an opposing message, such as "DESTROY ALL REPUBLICANS - WE CAN'T RISK OTHERWISE" and "DON'T LISTEN TO THAT BASTARD". Residents of homes where signs have been present have reported abnormal amounts of vandalism to their dwellings as well as phone threats, but this is most likely simply due to the messages on these signs as opposed any supernatural influence on neighbors. Objects will not duplicate normally when not rooted in soil, but will spawn billboards if opposing messages are stacked or leaned together in storage.08.) Customizable Church Sign - This lit sign is comprised of a large white surface with slots for interchangible letters, topped with the name "[blanked] Baptist Church". When letters are placed on the surface to create a legitimate word or phrase, subjects within an X meter radius become highly influenced by said message. This sign was first discovered by SCP when a multi-car pile-up occurred just outside the church that owned it. At the time, the message read "It's time to meet Jesus!" Researchers have determined that this message was woefully open to misinterpretation. A previous unnoticed event arose when the sign simply read "Bring your loved ones to God" and a rash of murder-suicides occurred throughout the area with no obvious central cause. When placed in front of any doorway and given a proper message, this object will cause any human subjects within an X meter radius to feel as of God himself has spoken its words directly to them. No actual instance of this audio has been noted, and it seems to be entirely within the subject's head.09.) The Thing You're Done With - This is a small object of unknown origins and intended use. Any attempts at researching this object have been thwarted by its unusual ability to cause anyone considering its nature to immediately believe they've completed their research. Even Researchers who are watching another Researcher research the object will congratulate said Researcher on a job well-done within seconds of research beginning. Subjects told to think about or imagine the object instantly ask if their explanation was alright, despite nothing being said, at which point the interviewer says indeed it was. Object can only be moved by a constant hand-off between two or more subjects, as carrying it gives the impression you've completed your journey after a single step. Any and all materials pertaining to this item, including this one, must be painstakingly pieced together from word and sentence fragments jotted down befor10.) Vaudevillian Hook - This resembles a large, gimmicky "hook" as was used to pull disliked performers off-stage during the time of Vaudeville. It seems to move freely regardless of distance, and appears unannounced from doorways and around corners as if by teleportation. The Vaudevillian Hook appears to be drawn to random humans who are "failing" in some capacity, be it an officer worker who does poor work or a singer whose voice is not up to par. The Hook appears from an opening, moving slowly until it has secured itself around the subject, at which point if quickly yanks them into the opening at astounding speeds, never to be seen again. The item came under SCP protection after being baited by a series of D-class who were simply told to perform complex tasks well above their intellect while standing near open doors. The hook appeared from an open doorway and was seized by security personnel. Since being seized, the object has displayed no unusual properties, and it is unknown if something was operating it unseen. Either way, no further hook attacks have been reported.11.) Advanced Gumball Machine - This is an innocent-looking, short, squat red gumball machine with glass globe. It accepts U.S. quarter-dollars and is operated by turning the handle as is normal with such devices. The glass globe is filled with a variety of colorful gumballs, though these are never dispensed. Instead, the machine generates the dispensed gumball from origins unknown. Chewing the gum displays no unusual effects, but any bubble blown by the subject chewing this gum will burst in a cloud of various chemicals. Blue gumballs expell hydrogen, while yellow emit a cloud of mustard gas upon bursting. Testing using machines or protective sheaths will not allow for blowing a bubble, and instead the gum will simply tear the moment air is forced into it.12.) "Monkey With Math!" Textbook - This is a standard, worn textbook that was retrieved mid-year at an urban Elementary School. Various crude, child-like drawings appear in the margins of various pages but seem to have relation to anomalous behavior. All descriptions of math within this book are wholly and astoundingly incorrect, and all example problems display invalid sums. For example: "Multiplying two numbers is easy! Just take the first number, then subtract the second number and double the result! Now you can multiply any number, aren't you proud?" Any subject who reads a full explanation from this book will forever believe this to be true and cannot be convinced otherwise. Simply reading an incorrect example problem will only cause that specific problem to be incorrectly overwritten in the subject's understanding. Subjects exposed to these false lessons reported no averse effects other than observed destruction of mathematical understanding, but soon after suffered extreme side-effects that Researchers attribute to the breaking down of mathematical interactions within their very physical makeup and severe, unpredictable effects on their relation to space and time.13.) EBS Terminal - This Emergency Broadcast System terminal was retrieved in a small midwestern town in which residents had been whipped into an Apocalyptic frenzy. A vast number of suicides were reported, as was a large amount of looting. The EBS Terminal appears to broadcast false warning messages that cause unnatural amounts of panic in all who hear the broadcasted message. Conversely, the terminal will broadcast "This is only a test" if an actual disaster is in progress. The voice transmitted sounds like that of a text-to-speech program, monotone and without emotion. Attempts to manually enter information into the terminal result in a dangerous persons alert specifically naming the Researcher keying in the data. Intercepted broadcasts have also issued false Amber Alerts for the children of staff members and described the parents and their vehicles as information on the abductor.14.) Fake Poop - Appearing to be an average plastic "gag" item, this log of synthetic human feces appears to cause incredible revulsion in human subjects and animals that would normally be repelled by defication. Testing with D-Class subjects in which this item was placed ontop of a stack of hundred dollar bills, subjects could not be coerced to approach the item no matter how much they were assured it was not real or how often they were reminded that they could keep the cash if they retrieved it. Testing with feline subjects showed an unusual insistance that the object be covered with any nearby items that could be successfully pulled toward it. Placing the item in a doorway and simulating a fire resulted in several D-Class attempting instead to break through a wall as means of escape. Canine subjects vehemently attempted to ingest the object and must be restrained.15.) ASCII Face - Consisting of fourty two pages, each with seemingly random printed letters and spaces, the ASCII Face must be assembled correctly in order to witness its effects. This can be accomplished by either lying the pages, in order, on the floor or by hanging them similarly on a vertical surface. Once properly assembled, the image of a slender, largely unremarkable face consisting of the aforementioned letters can be recognized. This face will move occasionally, as if surveying the area. It will also closely watch anyone who moves about the room. After exactly fourty two minutes of remaining in this state, the face will open its mouth to reveal a word or phrase. It will soon after close its mouth and remain completely motionless until reassembled after six weeks of pages remaining stacked and untouched. Words or phrases "spoken" in this way have been collected and appear to be part of one ongoing narrative. Not enough has been recorded at this time to denote the meaning or nature of this narration.16.) Internet Bully - This is an otherwise average male young adult with tall and lanky physique. Bully seems socially awkward and meek to the point of shying away from female Researchers and calling male Researchers "Sir". However, if given a means of electronic communication such as computer or smart phone, Internet Bully will begin messaging random internet users and all personality traits take a dark turn. Internet Bully will become irate and violent if any attempt is made to take away an electronic device in his possession, and several security personnel must be used to accomplish this task due to a mysterious augmentation of the Bully's physical strength. While in contact with internet users, Bully will transmit a series of increasingly dark and insulting messages, only stopping when the recipient commits suicide or the device is wrested away from him. Subjects contacted after communication with Bully reported a feeling of building hopelessness and an unshakable sense self-loathing.17.) Dial-Up Modem - This outmoded external dial-up modem plugs into any PC with the appropriate phone jack, as well as connecting to a standard wall jack. A human subject who answers a phone dialed by the modem will hear loud series of buzzes and beeps associated with modems and fax machines. After the initial noise, subjects will experience extrem tinnitus which is then seemingly picked up by the modem in return. The PC connected to the modem at during these events will flash a pop-up message reading: "DOWNLOAD (Recipient's first name)?" if the "YES" option is selected, tinnitus will increase to excruciating levels and a file named after the subject (example: LastName-First-Middle_001.txt) will appear on the PC's desktop. Subjects interviewed report an inability to remove phone handsets or hand-held devices from their ear until the Modem terminates the call due to a painful "electrical" field. Resulting files contain what appears to be an unknown code language peppered with recognizable words. For example: **(:-((pet dog)-runover112880)*honda accord*; Researches who have pieced together information from these files have recieved indicators from Subjects that this text may reflect their unpleasant memories.18.) A Bump In The Night - This entity can only be seen, barely, when in near complete darkness. It is only detectable by its movements within said darkness, and if the room is too bright or pitch black the entity seems to cease to exist. While a room with the entity inside does not meet its requirements, the thing apparently cannot leave or perform any actions. It also cannot be detected in any manner. When light (or lack thereof) is accomidating, however, it will rattle, clatter, and knock over any available items within its environment. It appears to avoid interaction with human subjects, instead repeatedly circling them in a crouched stance, and has been seen to be completely terrified of both canine and feline subjects who make threatening postures and vocalizations toward it. The entity itself, as much as can be viewed, looks like a vaguelly gorilla-like humanoid with empty holes through its head where eye would be expected.19.) The Best Friend - Comprised of a combined fedora and hat rack, The Best Friend shows no unusual traits unless said fedora is placed on a specific hook of said hat rack. At this point, all who come in contact with the combined items will see them as a whole, their "best friend" whose name seems to randomly change depending on the viewer. When later questioned, subjects claim not to have any such friend by this name. During exposure, subjects will act as if they are in a conversation with the best friend, and topic will always center on a "common interest" such as a specific sports team or a form of arts & crafts such as scrapbooking. At some point in this conversation, an arguement will invariably break out, at which point the subject will shove and knock over the best friend. If the hat remains on the hook, they will apologize and help the hat rack to its "feet". If the hat falls loose, the subject will believe they have committed murder and will attempt to flee the area in a manic state. Both the fedora and the hat rack show no unusual abilities when combined with other hats or hat racks.20.) Debt Clock - This is a long, rectangular digital clock that displays increasing amounts of debt. A dollar sign resides at the far left of the object, and every three numbers are seperated by a comma, save for the last two digits which are preceeded by a decimal point. The amount on the debt clock mimics the exact amount of SCP's yearly budget when on Facility grounds. If any human subject enters a radius of X meters with the clock, it will adjust itself by rapidly falling to that person's actual amount of current personal debt. If more than one person enters this radius, the clock will add the corresponding amounts for one final total amount. During a catastrophic attempted breach by SCP-XXX, the Debt Clock appeared to calculate the replacement value of items and staff in real time. If a subject with no outstanding debt affects the clock, its slots will fill with red Zeroes and it the object will become super-heated to the point of scorching flesh.21.) 1,001 Funny Jokes For Kids - This is a booklet small in overall scale, but thick with hundreds of pages. Beneath the title, the cover depicts a cartoon of a skeleton with mustache and derby, pointing and laughing at a weeping, morbidly obese child. The book contains up to five jokes per page, depending on length of jokes. Each joke has a classically themed set-up, followed by a semi-related and disturbing punch-line. Almost all jokes within the book, while cruel and nonsensical, remain unchanged. The only exception is the final page, the extra "one", which displays a single joke that alters itself dependant upon the reader. Example: "Q: What did the Ocean say to the Waves? A: How's Dr. [Blanked]'s mother doing down there since the cruise disappearance? I'll bet she's rotten and picked over by crabs!" 22.) Anti-Holiday CD - This is a cheery-looking compact disk with case. Title appears to simply be "Christmas Hits!" Track list notes that many Christmas classics reside on the disk, including Little Drummer Boy, Jingle Bells, and more. When played, it is noted that all references to "Jesus", "Christ", "infant" and so on are replaced by the word (or most likely the name) "U'uadon". Several other changes have been noted, mostly replacing Biblical references with unfamiliar phrases such as "Unholy blight, your kind are slowly dying" inserted into "Oh, Holy Night". Subjects exposed to repeated playback of the entire CD or even a single song report momentarily forgetting the Christmas holiday, both past celebrations and the date upon which it is celebrated. Each song sounds as if it was seamlessly edited or was knowingly recorded by a choir.23.) Super Crunch Pops Cereal - The Super Crunch Pops cereal box shows a large bowl full of various cereal shapes being covered with a flood of milk. Standing at the edge of the bowl, looking in, is a very excited cartoon Researcher with lab coat, glasses, and a magnifying glass he is studying the shapes with. A blurb on the box reads: "SIX SECRETIVE SHAPES!" The box seems to contain an average amount of cereal, but refills itself through unknown means when closed. Pouring a bowl of Super Crunch Pops Cereal results in mostly identical squares of corn-based cereal and a lesser amount of colorful marshmallows. The marshmallows will take six seperate random shapes, though there will be multiples of each shape. Shapes generally resemble other items currently held by SCP. No unusual effects have been observed, and the cereal has been referred to as "tasty" but "really sugary". This box mysteriously appeared amongst other normal cereals within a Facility break room. The back of the box displays a "maze" resembling facility blueprints and a cut-out coupon "Redeemable for one free SCP-[balcked out]". The list of ingredients and health information appear to have been redacted with black marker.24.) Complete Rolodex - When placed upon a desk that is currently being used (desks that are not currently being used by personnel have no effect), this standard rolodex will contain contact information related to the user of said desk. This information extends to all persons the desk owner has had any meaningful contact with throughout their lifetime. For example, while a waiter or waitress at a restaurant would not normally be listed, their contact information WOULD appear if you were a regular and had a friendly relationship with said waitperson. Deceased contacts are listed as well, but with unidentifiable symbols in place of numbers. When a standard phone was modified to present keys with these symbols, all calls placed resulted in no ringing, but only complete silence and echo of any words spoken by the caller. Using various sound analyzation techniques, Researchers believe the echo denotes a cavernous, empty space between XXX,XXX and XXX,XXX meters in length but cannot determine vertical dimentions.25.) Tree Costume - Retrieved behind-the-scenes at a school play, when the child wearing it was reported missing despite others hearing its voice, causing the assumption of a haunting of some sort. This costume resembles a foam rubber "pine tree" with a hole cut in the front to allow for the wearer's face. When empty, it is clearly seen as a poorly constructed children's costume made of scrap materials and spray-painted where necessary. When worn by anyone of small stature (capable of fitting into the costume) it is percieved as an actual, living pine tree of the same general shape and size and will not register as odd to any who pass - regardless of location indoors or out.26.) Drive-Thru Speaker - This is an electrical drive-through speaker removed from its former position and placed, pole and all, in containment. Speaking an order of any given edible item into the speaker appears to cause that item to manifest at the next window the ordering subject passes by. This has been tested with all manner of foods, which simply rest on the sil outside said window. Foods appear fresh as if recently prepared. Ordering a non-food item does not seem to cause any effect, as the distorted voice that emanates from the speaker will just reply: "We just ran out." no matter how ridiculous the request. Questioning the voice transmitted through the speaker seems illicit gradually increasing frustration and demands that the subject "Order or drive off" because "Other people are waiting". At the height of agravation, the voice will threaten to "Come out there and beat your ass", though no follow-up action occurs. When asking to speak with the manager, the subject will be told to "Wait a second", after which the speaker will emit an ear-piercing screech similar to amplified feedback.27.) SCP Business Cards - Every so often, seemingly at random, SCP Researchers will recieve a direct call from someone with a report of strange occurences. When asked, callers will explain that they were given their business card, though they do not seem capable of recalling who handed it to them. Each business card appears to be printed in normal cardstock and displays the SCP name and icon. A Researcher's name and contact information will appear on the card, and often the back will display a correct hand-written home phone number. Handwriting analysis shows that these jotted down numbers are indeed written in the hand of the Researcher whose name appears on the card, though obviously such a bold and pointless breach of protocol is not assumed to be legitimate. A number of researchers were selected at random and given new mobile phones they were instructed not to use. Despite not knowing their own phone's specific number, calls eventually came through from subjects who had recieved these cards.28.) Self-Repairing Snowman - This object appears to be constructed from normal snow, with two stick arms (maple), and a face constituted of two stone eyes and a twig nose. The object appears animate, though sentience has not been confirmed. Using its rigid wooden arms, it will awkwardly replace and attempt to remold the wet, slush-like snow that falls from its body, creating an increasingly deformed shape. Though it displays motion, its range is very limited and leaning too far in one diraction has shown it's head will fall off, which it then slowly replaces after many failed attempts. Keeping the object in the proper sub-zero climate ceases all activity, presumibly due to the fact it is no longer falling apart. When presented with additional snow, the object will choose to buttress itself in any weak points, and will then ignore the remainder of the materials.29.) Twister Dial - When spun, this dial from the game "Twister" appears to have shocking effects on those around it. Depending on the color the needle lands on, any humans standing on the same surface as the person spinning the needle (carpet, bare floor, etc.) within an X meter radius will experience a variety of effects on the corresponding body part. For example, Left Hand, Right Foot, etc.* Effects:* Red - Profuse bleeding* Blue - Paralysis, as if frozen* Yellow - Severe infection, usually with weeping boils* Green - Necrosis30.) High-Quality Sandpaper - This sheet of average-looking sandpaper appears capable of causing abrasions on the surface of any material. Testing with a series of metlas has shown that this item may be capable of sanding through even the most durable surfaces. When applied to human skin by, say, absently moving one's hand across its surface, flesh is removed at a depth relative to how much pressure has been applied. When affixed to a power sander for testing on a steel wall, the vibration appeared to cause a small explosion. Researchers suspect this to be caused by sanding air itself on the sub-atomic level.31.) Pervasive Keys - Originally sold at auction as memorobilia related to a deadly prison fire, this ring of aged cell keys has displayed haunting-like abnormalities. When removed from the key ring, a single key seems to provoke an overwhelming desire to commit illegal activities. Each key shows a consistant set of specific criminal desires, which may relate to prisoners who perishished within their respective cells though this cannot be confirmed. Testing with D-Class made to wear a single key on a laniard shows that the longer one is in contact with a key, the more deep-rooted the criminal desire becomes. D-Class with no history of illegal activity who were exposed to these objects for lengthy durations displayed this behavior long after testing was completed. The key marked by Researchers with a red dot is not to be used for testing, as Researchers now believe it to be associated with the infamous "Dockside Disemboweler".32.) Reverse Fortune Cookie - This appears to be a normal fortune cookie. Object seems to be largely indestructable, and any pressure applied to it will instead be transferred to the skull of any attempting to crack it. This force is multiplied to the degree that enough of it to crush a regular cookie will crush the subject's skull. Those suffering this fate remain animate in a zombie-like state until asked a question. This was first discovered with the query, "Are you alright?" The answer given by the subject will take the form of a short, semi-poetic response followed by a string of "lucky numbers". After these are spoken, the subject falls into a natural death state. Answers appear to be restricted to advice concerning romance and the workplace, ie: "Today is the day to ask for that corner office." Questions not related to this topic illict the same reply, "There are few things man cannot learn, yet many that he shouldn't."33.) Delivery Menu - This appears to be a standard half-sheet of paper with delivery information printed upon it. The logo reads "Chop-Chop Asian Delivery" though no such restaurant near its recovery location is known to exist. Food items have unusual names such as "Speedy Dicing" and "Uneasy Feeling" along with price listings that all total Zero dollars. When calling the number on the menu, the caller will be greeted by a cheery young woman with heavy yet nonspecific Asian accent. No payment information is requested at any time, nor is the delivery address. As was the case with the suburban family whose house this item was discovered in, Researchers who called and ordered the "Head & Brain Surprise" appeared to be assaulted by unknown entities. Research footage appears to show various semi-transparent "shadow" beings descending from unseen vantage points before the camera was disabled, presumibly by these entities. Fatal injuries are consistant with a requested "head and brain" service. Calls placed to the delivery service from a location previously used for contact ring but are not answered.34.) Fraudster Voting Machine - This is a current model voting machine with no obvious abnormalities, unless used during a legitimate election period to write in a name that is not on the ballot. When connected to upload information, this machine will overwrite enough votes to place any written-in candidate in power, seeming to carefully choose so as to not create the appearance of fraud. No software glitch or tampering can be found to explain this anomaly. This machine first came to SCP's notice when "My Ass" was successfully elected to Town Council. In the event of two write-ins, the machine will create a tie and force a run-off. Researchers who are up for promotion are prohibited from using this object due to [data expunged].35.) An Origami Bird - This expertly folded origami bird will behave as if it is a living creature when placed right-side-up. It appears to ineffectually scratch and peck at any bare surface it is placed upon. When made to stand ontop of any object with writing present, the origami bird will peck and "eat" letters directly off the surface, leaving behind a blank space. If given enough selection of letters, it will eventually cease activity and remain motionless as if it were a normal item. Unfolding the bird at this point will reveal a message within, comprised of the previously ingested letters which retain their font and all others details of appearance. These messages usually express some deep thought in the form of haiku and will gradually fade from the paper's surface.36.) Whale-Mover 1999 - Whale-Mover 1999 is a desktop computer game stored on two outmoded hard disks. When loaded onto any computer with a drive capable of reading the disks, an icon of a sad anthromorphic whale face labelled "install" can be found. The program installs using both disks, at which time it can be found in the computer's "Games" folder. The interface of this game is a large grid overlayed with crude representations of water and sand. The object of the game is to place glowing white spheres within the "water" areas while free-roaming whale sprites move within the grid. Whale sprites appear to avoid the white spheres, and will not cross any grid square that touches one with a sphere inside. Using a limited number of spheres, the goal of the game is to cause a whale to have no option other than traveling onto a "beach" square, at which point it converts to a skull and crossbones icon. After a whale is successfully beached, the player's spheres are cleared from the grid and replaced in their inventory. It should be noted that all instances of testing have corresponded with actual whale beachings consistant with the number of in-game achievements.37.) Disaster Cat - Disaster Cat is a domestic short-haired feline with tabby markings. It is of average size for an adult feline, and wears a black harness with pockets for several emergency items. This includes but is not limited to first aid materials, flashlight, albuterol inhaler, and energy bars. Disaster Cat will squeal, hiss, and bite if anyone attempts to remove said harness, however she appears to be declawed and can inflict no scratching damage. Disaster Cat will rush to the aid of human subjects who are in legitimate distress, and so is given free roam of the Facility. During an attempted breach by SCP-XXX, Disaster Cat could not be coerced to leave affected areas and appeared to think it was 'helping' security teams by being present. Recently, security footage has reavealed Disaster Cat purposefully tripping or otherwise disabling staff with the purpose of rendering them unconscious. She would then appear to come to their aid. At the behest of Dr. Whoever, Disaster Cat was not locked down and was instead given a series of meaningless "security" tasks to perform each 24 hour period. No further instances of violence have been noted, as it seems Disaster Cat has effectively been given enough of a "challenge" to keep it feeling useful. Disaster Cat appears to require no rest, but will nap at length if ordered to go on break. Disaster Cat seems happiest and will purr upon completion of a "rescue" or when presented with token awards.38.) The Letter Vyd - This letter in scrawled on a slip of paper that seems to negate its effects, and may in fact be a second unusual object. Researchers exposed to the letter, by way of simply viewing it, will claim the letter has always existed and was simply "forgotten for some reason". They will also claim that the letter appears in common words and even others' names, but they hadn't realized it before exposure. Researchers with knowledge of this letter will also be able to find it on a keyboard, stating that it appears on the bottom row of letters with a shorter right Shift key. Exposed Researchers also located an entire listing of otherwise unknown "vyd words" in a standard Dictionary. The exposed can only discribe the letter as sounding like "vyd" in the same way "H" sounds like "aych". Even then, the exposed claimed this was an imperfect pronunciation. Writing the letter down has no effect on those who have not been exposed to it, as the paper will seem to remain blank. These Researchers also claim to plainly see a new section of records under the "vyd" heading, which contains information on contained items and entities completely unknown to other staff members. Attempting to lead the unexposed to a "vyd" containment area simply results in the percieved disappearance of the leading Researcher. All unseeable documents relating to 'vyd' storage were ordered to be rewritten and refiled by exposed Researchers, however as this progressed, the exposed seemed to begin using 'vyd' words more and more often, rendering entire conversations incomprehensible. At the height of this anomalous behavior, Dr. [Blanked] fell into a depression and consistantly spoke of "a word I wasn't supposed to think". Dr. [Blank] soonafter murdered the other exposed Researchers, and filed all translated documents back under "vyd", essentially rendering them irretrievable once again. Based on the discovery of a bloody, sharp impliment within the records area, it is presumed that Dr. [Blanked] then carved "vyd" into his own flesh and himself became "forbidden" from human viewing. No further testing with this letter has been authorized in light of these events.