Author Topic: Willy Wonka vs. Willy Loman  (Read 5207 times)

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on: 02:53:43 AM 07/18/16
Willy Wonka:

Oom-pa, Loom-pa,

It's a lost, lying loser who
gets axed in act two!

Ignore me of I snore, but
your story's a Killer,

from a man who pens filler
like a true Author-Miller.

I'm a mad candy kingpin,
at the top of my business.

Take kids to your play, they'll
say "what the Hell IS this?"

I hear YOU have two boys,
but are they proud of their Pappy?

Well, with so few toys,
I bet neither was "Happy"!

Did it sour your day, did
it nearly destroy you,

getting sacked by the son
of the man who employed you?

Enjoy the middle class,
don't expect to go far.

Because even my chocolate
is richer than you are.

Here, I'll show my sweet side,
and bring joy to your life.

Now take this gobstobber,
back home for your wife.

Willy Loman:

Show some respect, don't you
know what my name is?

All of New England loves me,
don't say I'm not famous!

First name, Willy,
with a will to win this.

Last name, Loman,
Man, I'm low on forgiveness.

A patriarchal patriot,
All-American Dreamy.

My record's straight-As
because no one can B me.

That just goes to show, what
some hard work can do,

a lesson to a whacked-out
fruitcake like you!

I'm gonna be Number 1,
you're a zero, come at me.

I may stretch the truth,
but I'll chew you like Taffy.

I'm the alpha male here,
no ifs, ands, or buts.

Your mouth and your product,
"May contain nuts."

Willy Wonka:

Were you trying to rap,
you vile vaudevillian?

Go ahead, flap your trap,
while I earn my next billion.

Most successful sugar daddy
on the face of the Earth,

filling youngsters with joy,
and pure mischievous mirth,

while my wallet expands,
like a purple girl's girth,

I'd sucker-punch you now,
but you aren't slug-worth.

Maybe I shouldn't brag,
you ARE desperate for cash...

Why not make like the market,
and head out for a crash?

Think of all the sweet treats,
your family can attain.

Crunch your car 'round a Good Bar,
and you won't die in vein.

Let's end of the tall-tale of
a sad money-chaser.

This battle is over, You
get NOTHING, good DAY sir.

Willy Loman:

Golly gee, what a verse,
that wasn't horrible at all.

But let me stop you there,
because I'm on a "roll, doll".

Go choke on a Snozzberry,
you're a wall-licking clown,

and your glass elevator is
going straight down.

Your business is in trouble,
if THIS shit was your worst.

Maybe I'll buy your shares
when the gum-bubble bursts.

There's no milk in your cash cow,
you dorky dental defiler.

I think you're lashing out now,
because you couldn't be Wilder.

You're a one-hit Wonka,
that's all that fate gave you.

You can't bear the Burton,
and even Depp couldn't save you.

No one cares about your sequel,
or "Vermicious Knids",

but we all find it suspicious that
you hang with missing kids.

If you want my competition,
then in the end, you'll fail.

If you think your boat is bad,
watch your candy-ass in jail.
« Last Edit: 10:43:14 PM 01/29/17 by Slimebeast »
If I should live until I wake, I pray the web my death to fake.