Author Topic: Tom Cruise vs. Tom Hanks  (Read 8416 times)

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  • Bogglesnots.
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on: 06:02:46 PM 06/08/15

Cast Away all doubt,
the leading man's on set.

I'm an affable actor,
a studio's safe bet.

An American treasure, and
you don't fit the bill, son,

you're stiff, wooden,
less human than Wilson!

Keep hunting, Ethan,
this is an impossible mission.

Take your traveling freak show,
hit the Road to Perdition.


Don't be glib, Hanks,
this battle just started.

You're a great man, sure,
but your work is half-hearted.

I'll never understand why
you're so highly regarded.

You take so many roles
that you should've discarded.

Your DaVinci mysteries are
as smart as "Who Farted?"

Should've learned from Gump,
never go full retarded.


Jack Reacher, here,
wants to talk about roles.

Tough talk from the troglodyte
King of the Trolls.

Your talent and stature
match up, they're both puny.

I'm in A League Of My Own,
you couch-stomping loony.

I'm Big. Made a Splash,
tamed Hooch AND the 'Burbs.

You're a petty little prick,
with more than he deserves.

From Phily to Seattle, my
flow leaves you sick & sleepless.

I can rap a Green Mile,
leave your ego in pieces.

You're a miniature madman,
fluffed up by his fan-base,

more surly than Suri when
she's making a sad face. :(

You're no Private Ryan,
Scientology won't save you.

Toss back those awards
the Academy gave you.


What a foolish old fop,
who's always goody-goody.

Facing me is Risky Business,
don't toy with me, Woody.

I was blessed with Star Power,
though I don't wanna boast,

your loss will be Extremely Loud,
and it's Incredibly Close.

Take your Polar Express
back to the Uncanny Valley,

this is MY movie, bitch,
and here comes the finale!

You wanna diss my career,
and I think that shit's funny.

All of Hollywood wants me,
I'm like "Show Me The Money!"

I'm the Last Samurai, with
more clout than you can manage,

this is no War of the Worlds,
you're just Collateral damage!

Your little Apollo mission
should've been one-way.

You were a Bosom Buddy,
people think I'M gay?
« Last Edit: 09:13:24 PM 12/18/17 by Slimebeast »
If I should live until I wake, I pray the web my death to fake.