The Cryptkeeper vs. Rod Serling

[Slimebeast]

Cryptkeeper:

Good evening,
Boils and Ghouls!

It's your dear,
decaying mummy,

here to tell
a dead-time story,

that'll twist and
turn your tummy.

I'm a hellish. haggard
horror host,

boasting the most
gruesome ghosts.

A wormeaten wordsmith,
and rigor mortis roaster,

Drowning in shock comedy,
like I'm bathing with a toaster.

This black-suited buffoon
has his audiences snoring!

They must call you "Rod"
because every twist is boring!


Rod Serling:

In a world, where the
dead rise up to talk,

they tell awful jokes,
and can't seem to stop.

You're entering dementia.
See, you aren't sound of mind.

Your wit is like your penis.
Impossible to find.

Wait, I'm battling a puppet?
What is this wretched thing?

Someone drop it off the air,
like a gremlin on a wing.

Your show was so-so. Your
film franchise was a flop.

I built a tower out of terror,
you couldn't be my bellhop.

Pack your bio-hazard bags,
you'll be travelling alone.

It's time to take a trip -
Next stop; nursing home.


Cryptkeeper

You dare to diss me?
EC's ghastly MC?

I'm so fuckin' freaky, the
comics code couldn't stop me!

Oh, I heard they tore down
your twerpy little tower,

for some Marvel movie
with more merchandise power.

Disney bought new toys, and
they're demolishing your dreams.

Hmm! I guess space fuel
really melts steel beams...

By the way, Serling,
haven't YOU been replaced?

Jordan Peele turned your zone
to a spooky safe space!

I binged all your shows,
and now I wanna purge!

You're so stiff, your theme
should be a funeral dirge!

And I won't take a diagnosis,
from a chump who chain-smokes.

I'm laid out in a coffin,
but you're the one who chokes!

You lived a cautionary tale,
and it ended in disaster.

Tonight's episode is called,
"To Serve Cancer".


Rod Serling

Your jokes are so dusty,
they belong on a shelf.

Please climb into an urn,
and go skull-fuck yourself.

Let's talk about your comics.
What putrid pulp trash.

They're lazy and lurid,
for the sake of quick cash.

Frankly, I agree, no kid
should ever read a story,

from a nightmarish novice,
who thinks horror is gory.

Your plots empty,
your morals? Naive.

Viewers see themselves
in the tales that I weave.

I show men their fears,
and leave critics clapping.

You show half-naked girls,
to get teenagers fapping.

Watch me stack the dread,
like a mountain of madness.

I make a Rorschach test,
you leave stains on a mattress.

If I need your thoughts, I'll
ask the moths in your head.

I'll stop beating you now,
'cause you're already dead.