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Author Topic: John Wilkes Booth vs. Lee Harvey Oswald  (Read 6033 times)

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Slimebeast

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John Wilkes Booth vs. Lee Harvey Oswald
« on: 10:20:19 PM 02/12/15 »
John Wilkes Booth

Sic Semper Douchbagus!
I'm about to blast you, Harvey.

No Prez-popping Commie,
could ever stand beside me.

Actor with the X Factor,
killing ill rhymes with skill,

bold, soulless life-snatcher,
burning five dollar bills.

You're a patsy AND a pansy,
so get NoScoped, you newbie.

The only clean shot you took
was a bullet from Jack Ruby.



Lee Harvey Oswald

Run home to Dixie, dick head.
I don't know what you're thinkin'.

You hit an easy target.
That missing link called Lincoln.

You were two feet away...
maybe more, maybe less.

You won't see me, I'm a sniper.
Cap you from the next address.

Stick to sucking at Shakespeare,
you're more cowardly than cunning.

Snapped your whole leg in half,
didn't stop you from running.



John Wilkes Booth

In 1846, a Congressman
was first selected.

By 1860, he was
Presidentially elected.

A Civil Rights champ,
with such well-spoken style.

I never got convicted,
didn't live to see a trial!



Lee Harvey Oswald

In 1946, a Congressman
was first selected.

By 1960, he was
Presidentially elected.

A Civil Rights champ,
with such well-spoken style.

I never got convicted,
didn't live to see a trial!



John Wilkes Booth

For the Southerners, I shot!
They had a President to bury!

Should've stayed home, Abe,
listen to your secretary!



Lee Harvey Oswald

For the Socialists, I shot!
They had a President to bury!

Should've stayed home, John,
listen to your secretary!



John Wilkes Booth

Within sight of his wife,
in a space named for Ford...



Lee Harvey Oswald

In a Ford, took his life,
with his loving wife aboard...



John Wilkes Booth

Cleared the way for Johnson,
and Andrew got sworn in...



Lee Harvey Oswald

Left a Johnson in charge,
let Lyndon in by mornin'...



Lee & John together

Three names, fifteen letters,
you can't get much better,

than a brutal blood-letter,
and Political upsetter!

Took aim on a Friday,
blew off the back of his head,

tried to make my escape,
before pronouncing he was dead,

warehouse, theater, all
that matters is I fled,

YO BITCH, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT *I* SAID!



-- They stare at each other, visibly shaken.

-- The music drops. Awkwardly.



Lee & John together

Weird.



John Wilkes Booth

Let's pretend this didn't happen,
like a poorly acted role.



Lee Harvey Oswald

We'll deny that we were here,
like this was a Grassy Knoll.
« Last Edit: 04:16:58 PM 04/28/15 by Slimebeast »
If I should live until I wake, I pray the web my death to fake.

Tim Jong Thrillin

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I was gonna say, this could have EASILY just been an ACTUAL Epic Rap Battle of History... but you managed to tie in a creepy-ish factor at the end there. 

Your raps are good. And silly.  Which makes them extra good.

Well done, as usual.
I live in a giant bucket.

Slimebeast

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:D Thanks!

Also cat is impressed.
If I should live until I wake, I pray the web my death to fake.

Tim Jong Thrillin

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Cat is QUITE impressed.
I live in a giant bucket.