Author Topic: Mr. Jigsaw vs. Kevin McCallister  (Read 6284 times)

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on: 05:22:47 PM 12/03/14
Mr. Jigsaw:

Are you Home Alone, son?
I'd like to play a game,

and when the ride is over, kid,
you'll never be the same.

I'm a psychopathic genius
with a Rube Goldberg plan.

I'm the puppet master and
you're silly putty in my hand.

I'm not above teaching little
kiddies a harsh lesson.

Set your snares, bratty bastard,
that shit is my profession.

Kevin McCallister:

Merry Christmas, motherfucker,
here's your present, and it's big.

It's a paint can to your brain pan,
and that's not all I rigged.

What kind of evil genius tries
to scare a little boy,

by wearing cutesy costumes
that make him look like a toy?

I'll play with you, I guess,
so come at me, do your worst.

You can make the rules, I promise,
but you'll have to catch me first!

Mr. Jigsaw:

Well isn't Michael Jackson's wife
a foul-mouthed little thriller.

Kevin, you're a sweet preteen,
you're not a brutal killer.

You may have drawn some blood,
but your body count is zero.

I'm free to murder as I please,
you can't, since you're a "hero".

Your entire hit list is two shiftless misfits,
outwitted by pitfalls, traps, and bullshit.

You're an idiot, abusing pitiful nitwits.
A greedy little bitch throwing tantrums and fits!

I'll trap you in my dungeon,
make you amputate your limbs,

pour after-shave in the wounds,
as you contemplate your sins,

rend your soul 'til you surrender,
chop you up with razor wire,

mulch this Culkin munchkin,
and then set that shit on fire.

Kevin McCallister:

Wait a minute. Hold up.
Get this through your head.

I've got my life ahead of me,
but I'm pretty sure you're dead.

In fact, if I remember right,
you've been replaced by equals.

Should've euthanized your franchise,
what a shitty string of sequels!

You need a whole unholy network,
of accomplices and decoys.

I'm a single child soldier,
making weapons out of toys.

You'll leave here on a stretcher.
Try to tell me that you won't.

Okay, maybe I believe you,
but my Tommy Gun don't.
« Last Edit: 04:18:15 PM 04/28/15 by Slimebeast »
If I should live until I wake, I pray the web my death to fake.


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