Michael Myers vs. Mike Myers

[Slimebeast]

(Note: It's widely accepted that while Michael Myers does not speak, he simply chooses not to.)



Michael:

Who's the mass-murdering bad man,
mask as bleak as his mad plan,

butchering his big sister and
the babysitter with his bare hands?

An unstoppable, updroppable monster,
with a flow you can't stop, sir,

Outmaneuvering any creepy Copper,
I'm the hot-headed head-lopper!

I leave behind gore and slop,
with every unfeeling chop,

I have the skills you can't top,
to make the heart-beat drop!



Mike:

I'm a star loved by millions,
How did I end up here,

with Albino William Shatner,
dressed in Jiffy Lube gear?

When it comes to psycho slashers,
you're just not a scary one.

I'm not afraid of Axe Murderers,
after all I married one.

You're in Wayne's World now,
and I can ad-lib for hours.

You'd better behave, baby,
before I unleash my Austin Powers.



Michael:

Is that your A Game, Love Guru?
Would you like to take a rest?

You seem more shaken now
than you did with Kanye West.

Your lines may be funny,
but mine are much meaner,

I'll dig out your skull,
and leave it Hollow, Weener.

Carve you up like a lantern,
start calling you "Jack".

End your dying career,
by hacking up the hack!



Mike:

I'll always be remembered
for my Saturday Night scenes.

You'll always be less popular
than Friday the Thirteenth.

I may be a Cat in a Hat,
but I'm still Doctor Evil,

so get Shrekt, motherfucker,
no Myers is MY equal!

There's just nothing interesting,
about a monster who won't die.

Your series should've been aborted,
with that coat-hanger to the eye.