Author Topic: Ellen Ripley vs. Princess Leia  (Read 4206 times)

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on: 04:11:03 AM 01/12/15

I'm a space-opera Princess,
but I'm not in distress.

I wear fatigues AND a dress,
so bring on this hot mess.

First comes Leia,
then comes Smackdown,

Now then, Nerfherder,
it's time to back down.

You're a butch greasemonkey,
with a boy's body, hun.

I'm a Hutt-kicking diva,
rocking all four buns.

An heiress so flawless,
my perfection annoys you,

but when I'm C3-P.O.'d,
I will R2-Destroy you.

I'm a part of a legacy.
Your films? They got worse.

I survived with dignity,
you got your chest burst!


Little Miss Priss wants
to talk about trilogies,

and like David Fincher,
the irony's killing me.

I'll take any stay,
in a primordial pit,

with xenomorph mouths
full of skin-scarring spit,

over Ewok rebellions,
and Gungan bullshit,

from a nitpicking nitwit,
who refuses to quit!

If that was your best,
well then I'm not impressed.

I've been less depressed
in a Facehugger nest.

Strong as steel, like Nostromo,
blast you wave after wave,

Strap myself in a loader,
load this bitch in a grave.


You came with those rhymes?
Girl, you're braver than I thought.

You're the Greedo to my Han,
and we all know who shot.

By the way, Ellen,
I have to ask who,

violated her orders,
risked her whole crew?

Dropped all defenses,
let an Alien through?

You're the only one left,
so I guess it was you.

No one died on my watch,
and it's easy to see,

why your nickname happens
to be R I P.

Someone's radiating failure,
and I need to find the source.

Check my Giger-counter,
choke you out with the Force.


I take charge and command,
an inspiration to others.

You get enslaved and complain,
and make out with your brother.

You're a Princess, so pampered,
barely out of your teens.

I'm a horror-hardened hero,
who incinerates Queens.

There's no Alderaan brat,
with a style this savage.

Shoot you down like a Womp Rat,
you're barely a challenge.

You'll have to nuke me from orbit,
if you want to stand a chance.

Because if we go blow to blow,
then it's Game Over, man.

So quit bitching and whining,
it's about time you can it.

Watch your ass or get wiped out,
just like your planet.
« Last Edit: 04:01:12 AM 09/22/19 by Slimebeast »
If I should live until I wake, I pray the web my death to fake.