Buffy the Vampire Slayer vs. Bella Swan

[Slimebeast]

Bella:

Ugh, like, can't
you see I'm busy?

Making major decisions,
that will forever affect me?

Don't have time for
some chatty cheerleader,

who hates the undead,
because she thinks they'll eat her.

I mean GOSH, it's not like
these guys are that scary.

I'm only concerned with
which one I should marry.



Buffy:

Aw, a little lost lamb,
with no clue what to do.

I might have an answer
for you, Mary Sue.

Pick Jake, while I stake
Deadward in the heart.

No wait, you're to late,
'cuz I tore him apart.

Mr. Pointy can sit out,
while I bust out my Gat.

Silver bullets, I cap,
with a headshot, ker-splat.



Bella:

O M G, can't you see?
We're so much the same,

but your BF track record,
is pathetic and lame.

It's a truth you can't take,
you just fake all the hate,

Remeber Angel and Spike?
You're the one who got staked.

Run home to Suckydale,
and cry into your pillow.

You have more dead lovers
than The Wiccan Witch, Willow.



Buffy:

Speaking of similarities,
it's plain there are none.

I fight off Big Bads,
you're a prize to be won.

And EMOTE when you speak,
it's like I'm fighting a towel.

You're so hollow and weak,
like you've been disembowled.

Your sad story is over,
no more pages are turning.

Even Giles would approve,
of this boring-book burning.