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Author Topic: Fail! - Hellslingers  (Read 2346 times)

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  • Bogglesnots.
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on: 02:46:24 AM 01/01/13
Somewhere in the 2000s, Chris Fason of "Hero Happy Hour" mentioned to me that he wanted to work on a comic featuring Pirates, Ninjas, Vampires, Werewolves, Robots, and a bunch of other things that are AWESOME.

So, naturally, I got to work.

"Hellslingers" was to be the story of several Wild West weirdos who set out to find a goblet capable of restoring "perfect" life. (IE: As opposed to "undead" life.) The lead character intended to use it on his lost companion, Gladiola. By the way - twist ending - Gladiola was his dog.

Shut up. It's not possible to "spoil" a story that will never exist.

Naturally, the goblet was the focus of a pre-existing war between a sect of Vampiric Ninjas and a nigh-unbeatable Pirate with a crew of rusty, shambling robots.

The Pirate leader wanted to bring back their treacherous and vile Pirate King father, and the Vampires wanted to restore their own lives so they could someday die with honor.

The Good Guys:

Abraham Dove - Our lead, a cyborg Sheriff.
Lyle - The town idiot/werewolf.
Sterling - A servant robot who believes he knocked up the boss' daughter.
Sore Eyes - An undefeated duel-master who literally never blinks.
Chases Men - A female bounty hunter, name is short for "She Who Chases Men And Bludgeons Them Repeatedly Until All Movement Has Ceased"

Then we have our villains:

Red Charlie - The aforementioned super-Pirate. Spoiler #2: "Charlie" is short for "Charlene".
The Dooley Brothers - Zombified Outlaws (and very-fraternal triplets) formerly killed by Sheriff Dove.
Vampire Ninjas - Yeah, duh.
Charming John - A screw-up pirate in above his head, constantly trying to make off with the goblet, only to be horribly injured.

Unfortunately, Hellslingers never made it past the early design stages:

Top to bottom: Ninja Vamp, Abraham Dove, Red Charlie.

Top to bottom: Ninja Vamp, Cannonball Robot, Robot, Red Charlie's Dad.

Thankfully, little actual work was lost when this went under. I had only written maybe ten or twenty pages of what was to be, in my mind, a soaring epic of tremendous scope.

Not sure why this died, really. Lack of interest in the long run, I suppose?

Maybe it's because I made it incredibly weird, confusing, and stupid.
If I should live until I wake, I pray the web my death to fake.