We're inside you!
We're inside you!
We're inside you!!
"Germs", a fantastic toy line by Worlds of Wonder, presented children of the 80s with brand new play fantasies. Not least of which was simulating biological warfare. Bobby thinks he's so special just because his parents got him that big wheel. Would the world really suffer if he died from a seemingly random case of Oochiachitickleora? I think not.
Worlds of Wonder: Proudly terrifying customers since-BOOOOOAAARGHH!!!
In this case, "Oochiachitickleorum" is of course referring to... well... an itch.
Alright, so the line-up isn't as nefarious as it would seem. Each malady was simply a normal function of life... a sneeze, a burp, and a dash of "eye goo". Stuff that might have been the bane of simpler days, yet pales in comparison to sources of modern-day mass hysteria.
Most notably, there was supposedly a germ that caused giggling.
Look at it. Look at the Giggle on the far right.
You just know that sh*t comes from touching girls.
Germs came in neat little test tubes. First in pure cylanders with a flat base, then in harder plastic that had a rounded bottom and could therefore never stand up. So the toys themselves were incapable of standing, and a good number of their containers fared just as poorly.
Someone at Worlds of Wonder deeply resented the idea that children like to display their toys. The concept sickened them.
"Just try," he sneered beneath the bare lightbulb in his padded office, "Just try to stand these things up, you little snot-nosed bastards."
Back in the day, a friend of mine and I drew an endless supply of our own Germs. This is how lame and stupid we were. Everything from Pimples to Farts and everything between... if you can even comprehend the sheer magnitude of what lies between.
Of all the toy lines that could be reinvented for a modern audience, I think Germs might be a top candidate.
Not only could we have some little rubber SARS and Ebola figures... but they'd probably come with interesting powers and collectible trading cards.
ANTHRAX, I CHOOSE YOU! POWDER ATTACK!!
Eh. Still too soon, right?
Germ figures were actually reused in the 90s as novelties for Doctor's offices!
Imagine how disturbed and confused the younger patients must have been. I can't help but imagine these proudly seated right next to a model of a bisected human heart... though a heart might not have been the best model since their bases carry the names of types of yeast...
Oh! Hey, they figured out how to make the damned things stand on their own.
For a much more in-depth, handsome, and intelligent article on the Germs, check out Bogleech.com! This article contains a couple images from The Astronit Collection!